When I grow up.

I am not sure whether it is the age or whether the clubbing scene has seriously deteriorated but I do not really enjoy clubbing as much as I used to. I used to club every week without fail during my days at SP and the army, but now, I think I would prefer to go to a place with seats.

However, if there is one thing that never fails to amaze me in clubs, it will be the club's patrons. I mean, I am not a good dancer. I am not even an okay dancer. And knowing that dancing is not my best feature, I tend to try to be discreet at the dance floor and make as little movement as possible.

With the guys at Powerhouse, it is a different story. It is like all of them took some "confidence-boosting" pills that give these really, really bad dancers courage to step up to the podium and dance their nights away. Well, thanks for entertaining me I guess.

I remember one guy from about a month ago, he was dancing on the podium, shaking his head and feeling the music. No, I made a mistake. The only thing he did on the podium was shake his head. He was shaking his head from left to right, to left to right. At one point, I was afraid his head will dislodge from his neck and roll off the podium due to the sheer intensity of his head-shaking.

It does not take a great dancer to know that this type of dance moves although not the worst, but seriously, to do that on the podium? One might think that he wants a career as an extra in a Bollywood production. If that is indeed what he wants, kudos to him, he is one step nearer to his dream.

And last week, to my delight, there were two entertainers in Powerhouse. The first one was on the podium letting his hands do the dancing, with sleek snake-like movements, his hands look set to seduce anyone and everyone on the dance floor. Maybe not, but he caught my attention at least. It got me thinking, why is he doing that? Then I realized, he probably wanted to be a magician when he grew up.

The other one was another classic, so much so that I wished I had his dancing on video. This guy was showcasing all his killer dance moves. His dance moves could literally kill. I am pretty sure most of you had caught "Ip Man" by now. You know how Ip Man amazingly hit his opponents with the very fast fist move. Well, this guy did that on the podium, but about 50 times slower. Well, the idea was there, and you cannot fault a guy who wanted to emulate his idol.

So, these are the people who are keeping me from dying out of boredom in clubs. To all three of you and hopefully more to come, I salute you!

Edit - Happy Lunar New Year to all. May good wealth and good health follow you and your family all year round.

Fear.

I wanted to find out if there was an official phobia for my fear of flying insects and I chanced upon something interesting. I was googling for it and one of the results that appeared was this.

I don't know how this became the best answer until I saw the second of only two responses.

"buy a cd with bug sounds lay on your floor have a friend get a feather close your eyes and turn on the cd have your friend tickle u with a feather and imagine your in a fiels suronded by bugs try it be optimistic" (Exact quote, too lazy to print screen.)

HUH? I can safely assume there is no cure for my fear of flying insects.

More about this phobia of mine, I don't understand why I should tolerate and appreciate flying insects when most of them are extremely hateful creatures. They hover around you and makes you swat the air like an idiot.

Also, they like to fly straight at your face which I can never understand why. Once, an insect flew straight into the throat of my friend when he was talking, he had no choice but to swallow it. (True story.)

Most hateful creature is the golden beetle that hovers around the lights and thus making a very irritating sound. My friends told me that it is called a "kim ku". They have weird hairy legs that give you a shock when it lands on your shoulders. Other notable contenders are bees and wasps.

-

Another result that showed was a phobia list site and that is where I stumbled on some interesting trivia. (Sorry if you have these phobias. I don't mean to offend.)

"Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth."
They have a name for a fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth but not a name for fear of flying insects? That's just weird.

"Caligynephobia- Fear of beautiful women."
Seriously?

"Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words."
What an irony!

"Chrometophobia or Chrematophobia- Fear of money."
Come and be my friend!

Reflections.

In 2008, I learned that it is not worth fighting against the pain inflicted by a wisdom tooth. The pain gets worse everyday and does not go away.

In 2008, I learned that a pimple may be just a pimple, but it still can cause you to be hospitalized. So, do handle it with care.

In 2008, I learned that everything you have done can easily be negated. Unless it is beneficial to yourself or your family, never give a 100-percent.

In 2008, I learned that everybody is just using everybody else in one way or another. Me included. Therefore, it is important to know when to thank a person and express gratitude.

In 2008, I learned that there are a lot of weird people driving the taxis and buses in Singapore. Imagine the odds of boarding a taxi only to have the driver tell you that his taxi may not have enough petrol to bring you to your destination.

In 2008, I learned that playing the Nintendo Wii for hours will give you sore arms for days. Think twice before you swing that remote.

In 2008, I learned that Singapore lacks gracious people. I took a bus the other day when a visually impaired guy boarded. It was obvious he needed a seat near the exit and when he asked an auntie, who was sitting at the seat right in front of the TV monitor, if he could have that seat, that auntie said, "No, this seat is only for one."

In 2008, I learned that sometimes words may hurt more than the pain inflicted by a wisdom tooth. And at least you can cure the latter with some painkillers.

In 2008, I learned that Formula 1 may not be that boring after all. After watching the very exciting Brazilian GP, you can color me hooked.

In 2008, I learned that after everything has been said and done, the episode with you is the only piece of history I wish I could change.

And all of a sudden, 2008 is over.

A fresh year awaits so let us all hope it does not suck.

Happy 2009.

Fast away the old year passes.

Christmas is currently less than 24 hours away. I have never been a fan of Christmas, to me, it used to be just another day I get to party and drink. As I grow older, going to clubs don't really excite me much anymore. However, someone special once taught me that Christmas is a day of giving thanks. And thus, I am here to give my thanks today.

Thank you parents for always accommodating to my needs. Both of you have been supportive of my decisions and giving me freedom to do what I want. Sometimes I cannot stand your nagging but that is normal behavior for all children I guess. Thank you both for everything you have sacrificed for me.

Thank you best friends for being there for me all the time. I know I can be irritating some or most of the time, but you guys have never once left me by myself when I needed company. Late mahjong sessions, late texas poker sessions or last minutes dinners are some of the immature demands I have requested from all of you. Thank you for putting up with me.

Thank you brothers for introducing me to the other side of life. You all were the ones who introduced me to fun, excitement and surprises. If I had not met all of you during my polytechnic years, I may have become the son that my parents crave so much. A son who does not go out until the next morning smelling like he showered with alcohol. However, I am glad that I did make friends with all of you. Thank you for being there for me.

Thank you ss for teaching me that Christmas is not all about presents and Santa Claus. Thank you for reminding me that I have to give thanks to the people near and dear.

Thank you cm for giving in to me most of the time. Thank you for your generosity.

Thank you ** for making me laugh out loud often. Thank you for your company and jokes.

Thank you mdis mates for teaching and guiding me. Thank you for making me look forward to going to school.

So, who do you want to thank this Christmas?

Show and tell.

Presentation day just passed and I absolutely hated it. I hate having to wear a formal outfit to school because I just think it looks weird on me.

Moreover, my shoes were hurting me all day long. I was walking in such a weird momentum that my calf suffered from cramps! I do not even get cramps when I am playing football and now I get cramps from moving around in leather shoes? What a loser!

So the presentation went well for my group which was a nice reward after seeing the huge amount of effort that all of us put. I went to school early three days in a row for this presentation when normally you will never see me in class until the lesson had started.

Speaking in public had never been my strong point unless it was in an informal situation. Even for that, I do feel scared pretty much most of the time. People sitting in front could probably see me shaking if they looked really closely. This presentation was normal and even though my level was still not as good as I would like it to be, I think I improved.

Anyway, the whole point of this entry was not about this presentation, which is probably boring to read (I felt bored when I was typing it). It was what happened after the presentation.

So the group all bunched around an area to listen to the lecturer's comments and she was also fielding some questions. Me being me just could not stand still and began to fidget and gaze around. I was not prepared for what I was about to see.

A classmate of mine who was wearing a formal outfit, was sitting with her legs wide open. She was not wearing pants. It was not the best of sight, and was perhaps along the line of "dancing queen". That sent chills up my spine and I almost laughed out loud on the spot. I quickly hid behind my group mate to prevent myself from seeing it accidentally again.

Why did she not close her legs when she knew she was not wearing pants? I will never know.

Dancing queen.

So I was at Powerhouse the other night and I caught a glimpse of something that was nothing short of a nightmare. Got there at about 1am and the queue was extremely long, on hindsight, I should have left after seeing that the queue was not moving much. But silly me had the idea of going to Boiler Room to get myself stamped before entering Powerhouse through the re-entry queue.

When I got in, it reminded me about how much I hate crowds and squeezing past crowds. That should have been another indication to leave. But, I lingered on. So my friends were down at the dance floor and I joined them after loitering outside for awhile. And after rocking the dance floor with my moves I learnt from watching shows like "Step Up" (as if), something in the corner caught my eye.

On the platform, there was this crazy/drunk/liberal lady dancing with much zest and oomph. My back was facing the platform but my friends told me to watch out as her ass was barely a few centimeters away from me. I turned around and got quite a shock that she was indeed very close and that disgusted me quite a lot. But she suddenly decided that it was a good idea to turn around which meant now I had eye contact with her, hmm, you know what. Not a good sight.

After a few moments of gyrating with herself, she suddenly thought it was a good idea to "reward" the guys with a little strip tease show. She started lifting up her dress and exposing what I made out to be her g-string. (I may be wrong because I only took a glance.) Some of the guys started cheering for whatever reasons that I cannot understand. (One man's meat is another man's poison I guess.) Cheering extremely loudly was her companion who had just caught her shoes a few moments ago.

Back to the g-string, what I saw was her back and it was probably a sight that was close to terrifying for me. Let me describe what I saw. Imagine a McDonalds cheeseburger. Except this was a cheeseburger that used two char-siew baos, instead of regular buns, to hold the meat and cheese. Now take out the meat and you get two char-siew baos holding a thin piece of cheese. Hope my description was helpful.

By that time, I was already wondering why the bouncer had not thrown this woman out, especially when there was one who was staring at her the whole time. After showing the guys her bottom, she proceeded to expose her top like a good stripper would. By that time, I was too disgusted that I never turned that way again and judging by the whistles and cheers, her personal strip show probably lasted for about 20 minutes or so. It was only then the bouncer decided to react and throw the woman and her companion out.

But not without a struggle! I think the woman tried to bribe the bouncer with a kiss but he declined like a sane man will. Seeing how her seductive technique failed (as if it ever had a chance), she jumped over to her companion's side and after some verbal confrontation, they were finally out.

So, what did you see on your weekend?

Hurt.

You.

You have been on my mind this past week, hurting me like it does not matter to you at all.

Even when I am out with my friends, you have always been inside me.

Have you ever thought about the unbearable pain you are causing me?

Did you know the excruciating pain that you have inflicted has reduced me to tears?

Did you know I have resorted to pills because of you?

If I ever get an addiction to pills, the fault is going to be on you.

There is only so much hurt a man can take.

Have you forgotten about the good times we have had?

Things were going great for us, why did you have to change it?

After my previous experience, I seriously thought you were different.

I did not think that you would hurt me like the previous one did.

I was wrong, and I now regret not letting you go when I still had the chance.

I regret not letting you go before all these hurt started.

I did not want to let go of you, however, that seems like the best option. The only option.

Letting go is going to hurt as well, but it is a decision I have made.

I am not going to be hurt by you again.

And by the end of this week, all the hurt has to come to an end.

I am sorry that it has to come down to this, but you, my wisdom tooth, has got to go.

Its just emotions.

Are emotions a good thing or a bad thing? People say that without emotions, we will all just be robots doing the same thing everyday. Is that really a bad thing?

There are two general types of emotions, to me at least. One type gives you feelings of happiness, pride, sense of achievement or in other words, makes you feel good about yourself. The other type brings you sadness, confusion, hurt, pain or to simplify makes you feel terrible about yourself.

Look at it this way, you get very happy because you pass your exams with flying colors. You go out and celebrate with your class, an hour later, you receive a text message saying that someone dear to you had just passed away. Your "feel-good" emotions are immediately taken over by one of pain and sadness.

Flip the situation around, you just broke up with your girlfriend of eight years. You are still in self denial mode and is finding hard to adjust to life without her. You then find out you have struck the lottery and is now $500 or $5000 richer. Are your bad emotions immediately taken over by feelings ecstasy or happiness? For some, maybe yes. For most, probably not.

With this somewhat unfair distribution of emotions, why should we feel so blessed that we are not robots? In life, there are probably more situations that are likely to make you feel bad, disgusted, sorrow than those that make you feel genuinely happy. And you know how the saying goes, "A smile can be remembered for a day, a frown keeps you thinking for a month." (Okay, I made that up.)

Think about it, without emotions, nobody gets hurt. Nobody has to lie anymore, crime rates will probably be down as there will no longer be crimes triggered by passion. And nobody has to hide their feelings anymore. How many times have you gone out with a smile that is actually hiding your sorrows? Why should people need to pretend to be okay when in fact they feel terrible? Have you ever seen people who are extremely happy but pretend to feel anguished? (If yes, stay away from them, they are probably insane.)

P.S. This is just a rant because I know there is no way of getting rid of a person's emotions if that person still wants to live, I am not an idiot, thank you very much. Do I sound like I am whining? Perhaps. Do I sound like I am feeling sorry for myself? Maybe. But mostly, it is because this post is sponsored by anger and hurt.

Ten things I hate about me.

1. I procrastinate a lot.
   If I had a dollar for each and every time I procrastinate, I will probably be a millionaire already. I have insurance claims that I should but have not mailed out from a month ago. I was supposed to start my assignment today but yet here I am doing this post (and the blog). And if you were one of the lucky few who saw my blog before, you would have known that this blog has been around since 2004. I have since deleted the two pathetic posts that say that my blog will be done soon.
   
   
2. I am extremely sarcastic.
   I hate that I show my love to others by being sarcastic. I think I have a very serious problem. The one thing my friends can take heart, with this problem I have, is that you are probably a very good friend, to me, if you had been a victim of my sarcasm.
   
   
3. I am too easily distracted.
   This happens to me every single time. I cannot seem to stay glued to the television for a soccer game. I cannot seem to study without taking a million television or messenger breaks. I can talk about a certain issue and talk about something else before someone has even made a comment. (As if to prove a point, I finished watching a show and had my shower before I finished this post.)
   
   
4. I cannot seem to sleep early.
   It is currently 05:11am and I am here wanting to finish this post. I am jealous that some of my friends have the ability to sleep at 11:00pm, which I can never seem to do. It pisses me off when I know I have to wake up early the next day for work or for school or for a job interview and yet I keep denying myself sleep.
   
   
5. I have a punctuality problem.
   I am late more often than not and I just want to apologize to the people who have been unfortunate enough to have waited for me before (lecturers included). This is a problem I am working on.
   
   
6. I am smart in all the wrong areas.
   I am really good in thinking of weird scenarios and practical jokes. I am really good in making up weird excuses that people actually believe. I am really good in thinking too much and too far ahead. I am really good in hurting people by saying things I know I do not really feel. For what uses do these "qualities" have, I really do not know.
   
   
7. I grow too attached to things and people.
   I have Christmas cards from my secondary school days that I have refused to throw out. I have textbooks from my poly days that I have refused to throw out. I have a very cute bolster from my childhood years that I have refused to stop using. I was nearly in tears during my basic military training passing out parade. I refuse to let go of people who wants nothing to do with me. Am I really a woman? (No I am not.)
   
   
8. I am so indecisive I scare myself sometimes.
   Sometimes I wonder if I have an inner Gollum (probably a female one) in me talking myself out of the decisions I make. I contradict and second guess myself very often and sometimes I seriously do not know what I actually want. I can stand in front of the Cheers fridge for a few minutes thinking what drink I should actually buy. I guess it sucks to be me. My friends get pissed off with me because I take very long in making simple decisions, which again I am very sorry for.
   
   
9. I have extremely gay tastes in music and television programs.
   I am actually very embarrassed to admit that I actually watch shows like Gossip Girl or Privileged and listen to songs like Rihanna's "Take A Bow" and Beyoncé's "If I Were A Boy". I do not understand why I like it but the reason is definitely not because I am gay. Just to be clear, I also love shows like Heroes and Chuck and I do listen to stuff other than those two. Maybe I just have a wide tolerance for entertainment. (By the way, the shows listed above are really good.)
   
   
   
10. I joke too much to the extent that people seldom take me seriously.
    This is a trait that I have been trying to tone down for years but I seriously cannot succeed. I go into new surroundings promising to keep a low profile and not to act like a fool too much but my instincts always get the better of me. I went into MDIS thinking I want to keep quiet and just study real hard for two and a half years, due to past labels as the class clown or work clown, but I think my friends in MDIS have stopped taking me seriously as well.

P.S. This list is in the order of the shortest description of the thing I hate about me to the longest. I have no idea why I listed it in this order but after reading this list, you should know that I am weird like that. After completing this list, I realized a number 11 which is I am actually very "anal" about people making a mess of my stuff and a number 12 that is I am like a child who refuses to grow up. Who still wants to be my friend?